February 19, 2010
The tourist in the chicken coop
Once upon a time, on a sunny morning on Idiot Island, a man looked out of the window and saw a tourist inside his chicken coop. So the man went to the bedroom where his wife was still asleep and woke her.
“There is a tourist in the chicken coop,” he said, “and I think he is hatching an international conspiracy!”
His wife opened one angry eye and looked at him.
“Tourism has been completely defeated,” she said. “There are no longer any tourists on Idiot Island...not even the ones who went around waving white thermos flasks!”
So the man walked out slowly into the garden and went towards the chicken coop. The tourist was still there.
“Are you a tourist or a state tourist? The man asked. “I’m a tourist, and I’m hatching an international conspiracy using NGO money to bring the government of Idiot Island into disrepute!” the tourist replied.
So the man walked back into the house and roused his wife again. “The tourist is hatching an international conspiracy using NGO money to bring the government of Idiot Island into disrepute!” he said.
His wife sat up in bed and looked at him coldly.
“You are an unpatriotic idiot who doesn’t love his country,” she said, “and I’m going to have you arrested under the Prevention of Tourism Act!”
The man who was a patriot, who didn’t boast about it to anyone, thought for a moment. “We shall see about that,” he said. Then he walked back towards the chicken coop to watch the tourist. But the tourist had vanished! Maybe a ‘White Unidentified Four-wheeled Object’ (WUFO) had made him vanish thought the man.
The wife got up and dressed as fast as she could. She was very excited, thinking about the reward she would get for capturing a traitor. So she hung the national flag from the window and telephoned the Peacekeepers and the Minister for the Prevention Of Tourism, (POT) and told them to hurry to her house as soon as possible!
When the Peacekeepers and the Minister of POT arrived, they sat down and looked at her with great interest.
“My husband,” she said, “saw a tourist inside a chicken coop this morning!”
The Peacekeepers looked at the Minister of POT, and the Minister of POT looked at the Peacekeepers.
“He told me that the tourist was hatching an international conspiracy using NGO money!” she said.
The Minister of POT looked at the Peacekeepers, and the Peacekeepers looked at the Minister of POT.
“He told me the tourist was planning on bringing disrepute on the government of Idiot Island!” she said.
At a signal from the Minister of POT, the Peacekeepers leapt from their chairs and seized the wife. She put up a terrific struggle, but they finally got her under control, just as the husband came back from the chicken coop.
“Did you tell your wife you saw a tourist in the chicken coop?” asked the Minister of POT.
“Of course not,” said the husband. “Tourism has been completely defeated and there are no longer any tourists on Idiot Island...not even the ones who went around waving white thermos flasks!”
“That’s all I wanted to hear,” said the Minister of POT. “Take her away. I’m sorry sir, but your wife is a threat to national security!”
So they took her away, cursing and screaming and locked her up in a navy camp under the ‘Prevention of Terrorism Act.’
And so the husband lived happily ever after.
The Moral of the story:
Don’t count your international conspiracies before they are hatched.