February 25, 2009

What if?

What if….
the roles were reversed and the Tamils were the majority and the Sinhalese were the minority; and Prabahakaran was President of the country and Rajapaksa was the leader of a terrorist group called the ‘Liberation Lions of Sinhala Eelam’ (LLST) fighting for a separate Sinhala state in the South?

1) There would probably be a war similar to the on going one.

2) President Prabahakaran and his supporters would euphemistically call the war a ‘Humanitarian Operation.’

3) Rajapaksa’s suicide bombers would be called ‘Bloodthirsty Lions.’

4) ‘Orange Vans’ would abduct Sinhala civilians suspected of being Lion terrorists.

5) Tamil journalists who report about the war would be abducted, beaten and killed; and maybe a few newspaper presses and TV stations would be torched.

The list is endless. I leave it up to the readers’ imagination.

What if….
the LTTE tried to form a separate state in Hell?
answer: The devil would probably seek political asylum in Sri Lanka.

What if …
Bin Ladan owned Sri Lanka and Hell?
answer: He would rent out Sri Lanka and live in Hell!

What if…
the sale of cigarettes and alcohol was banned in Sri Lanka?
answer: People would turn to smoking illegal cigarettes and drinking kassippu (moonshine). The Government would lose billions in tax revenue. More people would fall ill by consuming substandard liquor.

What if…
it was compulsory that all the people in Sri Lanka had to attend a temple, church, mosque or kovil at least once a day?
answer: There would be peace and harmony in Sri Lanka…there would be a heaven on earth….paradise lost will have been found ( ha! ha! ha! only in your dreams! For the time being, your dreams are your own, so dream on until the ‘Rogerproxy Government’ finds a way to censor your dreams!)

What if…
Sri Lanka ruled the World?
1) Sri Lanka would invade any country that sold meat and alcohol and kept film halls open on the full moon poya day!

2) It would be illegal to slaughter cattle for consumption on full moon poya days, but legal to bomb suspected terrorists targets with cluster bombs and multi barrel rockets.

3) Only Buddhist programmes would be shown on televisions around the world, 8 days a week, 465 days a year.

4) American women would work as housemaids in Sri Lanka.

5) The rupee would be the World currency.

6) Sinhala would be the lingua franca of the world.

7) Sri Lanka would issue green cards to people around the world, to live and work in the country.

8) Amaradeva and Nandamalini would out sell Eminem and Madonna in record sales! There would be an influx of economic refugees and political asylum seekers in the country!

9) People around the world will celebrate when Baramesh Obamasingham (a minority Tamil) is voted President of Sri Lanka.

10) The nations allied to Sri Lanka would be: Zimbabwe, North Korea, Somalia, Sudan, Cuba, Iran, China ect. The ‘Axis of Evil’ nations would be India, America, all EU nations, Australia, Canada and any country that had a substantial amount of Tamils living there.

What if…
Chandrika Kumaranatunga had been a man, and Ranil Wickramasinghe had been a woman?
answer: It wouldn’t have made much of a difference!

What if…
50 odd years ago, Prabahakaran’s father had worn a condom?
answer: There would still be a Tamil problem!

What if…
Sharks used fishing rods to catch humans?
answer: They would use currency notes as bait! (Preferably US$ or Euros)

What if…
the eating of pork was no longer banned in Islamic countries?
answer: Pigs would seek asylum on the moon, and the rest would become extinct in a few years.

What if…
Every time a Politician told a lie to the people or broke his promise, a ‘White Van’ abducted him and beat him up unmercifully?
answer: This could happen only in your dreams or only if God was on the side of the general public and operated his own fleet of ‘White Vans.’

What if…
Sri Lanka was invaded by Aliens?
answer: The Government would contact Will Smith! Politicians would call it an International Conspiracy to discredit the government and do away with our sovereignty and territorial integrity! The silent minority would welcome the Aliens with open arms!

What if…
At independence in 1948, there were no majorities or minorities, only 5million Buddhists, 5 million Hindus, 5 million Christians and 5 million Muslims?
1) There would be no ‘Humanitarian War’ today.
2) All religions would be given equal status instead of one religion being given pride of place.
3) The Sinhala, Tamil and English languages would all be national languages.
4) No single community could dominate the other communities and impose their language, religion or culture on the others.
5) There would truly be ‘Unity in Diversity’ in the country and there would have been no need for me to start a blog called srilankalandoftheblind.blogspot.com

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