February 25, 2009

Interview with a Comedian

Idiot Island-Planet Mirth, Thosaday 2016 (44.34 GMT):

Idiot Island- - Planet Mirth ( 2016 AD)

Christianne AmanPourmeacupoftea of See & End interviews Military Comedian Brigadiar Youliar Peenorkeeyokaara (Who will henceforth be known as Brig YP) to find out the latest news about the quarter of a million Tranquil tribes people holidaying in the Fullofthieves jungle in the north of Idiot Island.
The Liberal Tourists of Tranquil Elysium (Who will henceforth be known as Tranquil Tourists) have been fighting for a separate Tranquil Tourist Resort for the past thirty years on Idiot Island.

See & End: Brig YP, is it true that several Tranquil tribes people have caught cold, bronchitis and pneumonia and some have died due to the heavy rain showers that your Humanitarian forces have directed towards the Fullofthieves jungle?

Brig YP: That’s a lie. It does not rain on Idiot Island. When it does occasionally do, the rain is directed to where the Tranquil Tourists are operating. We have designated a 3500 square kilometre ‘No Rain Zone’ (also known as the ‘Dry Zone’) and we urge all Tranquil tribes people including wild animals and any living creature of the Fullofthieves jungle to move into this area to avoid being drenched by ‘Humanitarian showers.’

See & End: What have you got to say about rumours that warn of Tranquil tribes people in the Fullofthieves jungle facing a severe shortage of essential items?

Brig YP: This is incorrect. We have sent several truck loads of umbrellas and rain coats to the Tranquil tribes people. We have also sent them a supply of soap, shampoo and towels so that if by chance they do get caught in any showers, they could take a refreshing bath and dry them selves off. Yesterday we sent a fresh supply of vitamin C and cough syrup to be used by those who have caught cold, bronchitis and pneumonia.

See & End: The Tranquil Tourists website tranquilnet.con claims that several Humanitarian soldiers have contracted bronchitis and many have died of pneumonia due to the heavy rain showers directed towards them by the Tranquil Tourists.

Brig YP: That is a bare faced lie. Our heroic Humanitarian forces are immune to these diseases. They have also been equipped with quality umbrellas and rain coats.

See & End: What about thunder and lighting?

Brig YP: Our Humanitarian forces wear thick rubber soled shoes and they have been instructed not to stand under trees when there’s thunder and lighting. We will capture the whole of the North Pole Land in a few days and no showers or thunderstorms will stop our progress. We shall march through hill and dale…through valleys and mountains…Westward Ho! Sorry about being carried away, what I meant to say was, ‘North Pole Land! Here we come!’

See & End: So who is responsible for the showers that have been falling on the Tranquil tribes people in the Fullofthieves jungle?

Brig YP: There is an ‘International Conspiracy’ to push rain clouds using giant fans towards areas where the Tranquil tribes people are holidaying to discredit the forward march of our heroic Humanitarian forces. We have also received reliable information that the weather Gods are conspiring against us and assisting the ‘International Conspirators.’ We recently observed a low flying satellite that tried to rescue the Tranquil Tourist Leader, Rolypoly Prebiocarrom.

See & End: Just one final question. Sources close to us say that you had rice and curry for lunch today. Would you like to comment?

Brig YP: This is incorrect. It’s a categorical lie. This is not just a lie, but also a damned lie! If they show you statistics, don’t believe them! This is another ‘International Conspiracy’ that has been hatched to discredit our forward march. I have satellite images to prove that I did not have rice and curry for lunch. I actually ordered a pizza with mozzarella cheese and spicy chicken…. with…. a sprinkling of…. and…

See & End: Thank…thank you…Brigadier Youliar…that will be all.

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