This is a new Alphabet for the ‘Vocal Majority’ from the ‘Silent Minority’.

A is for Abductions that take place daily, usually blamed on aliens.

B is for Benz Bikkus who live in the lap of luxury.

C is for Censorship of TV programmes showing scenes of alcohol and tobacco.

D is for Doctor Delipihiya patron saint of murder and mayhem.

E is for Elections which are neither free nor fair.

F is for Freedom of abduction, harassment and imprisonment under the Prevention of Tourism Act.

G is for Gullible majority who have been hoodwinked since 1948.

H is for Human rights abuses that occur 465 days of the year.

I is for IndepenDunce also known as the ’63 Year Curse’. (We were better off under the British!)


J is for Jayasuriya, who will probably play until the 2043 World Cup or until he gets his EPF?


K is for Kassipu. (A bottle a day keeps the liver awake.)

L is for Lies, damned lies and statistics that the government media saturates us with each day.

M is for Mahinda Chinthanaya. (Who needs the Bible, Koran and Tripitaka when we have the ‘chinthanaya.’

N is for Nepotism or favoritism to relatives. (Also check R)

O is for the 17 Patriotic Opposition MPs who crossed over to the government to save the country.


P is for Pillayan, who became Chief Minister of the East using the ‘Bullet’ to get the ‘Ballot.’


Q is for Question mark? When will we become the ASS Chariya Rai of the universe? When pigs fly or when hell freezes over?


R is for Rajapaksa Poshanaya of Mahinda, Basil, Goatabaya and Chamal.

T is for Terrorism. Both the LTTE kind and the State sponsored kind.

U is for Underestimate. What the Government always does of the LTTE.

V is for Velupillai Prabahakaran may you rest in pieces.(very very small pieces)

W is for Wickramasinghe (Ranil). The greatest President that never governed Sri Lanka.


X is for Xenophobia or the island mentality. The dislike of all things foreign.

Y is for Yearning for yesterday. The national pastime of living in the past.

Z is for Zero Casualties the tall story that only most Sinhalese believe.

The Truth, The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth…

(and may humanitarian lighting strike you if you don’t believe us)

Breaking News from Idiot Island Television (IIT) brought to you by Military Comedian Brigadiar Youliar Peenorkeeyokaara and Government Comedian Kehelmala Rambutang.



Idiot Island 2009 AD (20.40am)
Three Tranquil men…a butcher, a baker and a candle stick maker were captured in a tub by the Idiot Island Navy (IIN) while trying to escape to Tranquil Naadoo. The IIN recovered 50 loves of bread, 20 pounds of chicken beef and 150 candles that were hidden in the tub. Informed sources say that an investigation will be held to ascertain whether the bread, chicken beef and candles had been brought into the island during the period of the ‘If You’ll Don’t Shoot, We Wont Shoot Agreement.’



Idiot Island 2009 AD (21.10am)
It has been verified that Tourist Leader Rolypoly Prebiocarrom’s pet dog Lassie Master, pet cat Garfield Master and pet parrot Polly Master were shot dead while trying to escape in an ambulance across the Pork Straits, 500 meters from Bacon junction! DNA tests prove beyond a doubt that Lassie Master was a dog, Garfield Master was a cat and Polly Master was indeed a parrot. A large consignment of dog food, cat food and bird seed was also recovered from the captured ambulance. Authorities believe that this consignment of pet food entered Idiot Island during the 3rd World War when Joypang was bombing the Pale Arbour, and not during the period of the ‘If You’ll Don’t Shoot, We Wont Shoot Agreement’ as stated by BooBeeSee, See & End and Helljayzee Raw.



Idiot Island 2009 AD (21.17am)
In news just in, an eye witness states that Tourist Leader Rolypoly Prebiocarrom was teleported up to the ‘Starship Enterprise’ a few minute ago! The witness said that as armed jokers surrounded Tourist Leader Prebiocarrom, he spoke into a satellite phone and said, “Beam Me Up, Scotty!” Then a flash of light emanated from the Enterprise and engulfed the Tourist Leader. When the light faded away a few seconds later, there was no trace of Mr. Prebiocarrom. Efforts to contact Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock of the ‘Starship Enterprise,’were to no avail.



Idiot Island 2009 AD (22.56am)
Commandant of the ‘Treblinka Welfare Concentration Camp,’(TWCC) Major Himmler Heyadrich told reporters today, that the Tranquil Tourists of this camp should consider TWCC as a tourist resort, and their stay there as an all-expense-paid government holiday. “The barbed wire surrounding the camp, and the armed SS (Stinkerlees Soldiers) were there to protect the Tranquil Tourists from unscrupulous tour guides and inquisitive journalists,” said the commandant. Major Himmler Heyadrich also stated that he would leave no stone unturned in trying to provide 5-star-hospitality for all the holiday makers in the TWCC. Major Himmler insisted when asked by a reporter that a 7 course meal will be provided 3 times a day to each Tranquil Tourist for the next 26 years, courtesy of the Government of Idiot Island. Major Himmler also said that United Bankers Secretary General, Mr. Banking Boom who visited the TWCC had praised him for his efficiency in running the camp.



Idiot Island 2009 AD (23.46am)
General Polpot Funnyshaker today denied charges that 20,000 eggs had been broken to make omelettes for the heroic armed jokers fooling around in the north of Idiot Island. General Funnyshaker told reporters that not a single egg was broken while making omelettes. He further stated that his armed jokers had proved to the whole of Planet Mirth that they were the only jokers who could make omelettes without breaking a single egg. When asked by reporters about the thousands of egg shells that were strewn around the ‘Please Don’t Fire We Are Only Innocent Eggs Zone,’ General Funnyshaker said that those eggs were broken by the ‘Liberal Tourists of Tranquil Elysium,’ to make omelettes for their armed jokers. In closing General Funnyshaker said, “What I have said is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth…and if you all don’t believe me, may humanitarian lightning strike you all down and white vans abduct you all in the middle of the night!”

Politicians are funny...yes they are!

Politicians are funny...yes they are!

With apologies to William Shakespeare - Friends, Romans, countrymen (from Julius Caesar)

Friends, Sri Lankans, countrymen, lend me your CASH! (Sorry I meant ears)

I come not to bad mouth Sakvithi, nor to praise him.

The evil that men do doesn’t live after them, if they get away with the loot!

The money isn’t oft interred with their bones;

But probably interred in some Swiss Bank Account!

So let it be with Sakvithi. The noble Edwin Ariyadasa

Hath told you Sakvithi was an ambitious bastard, greedy for cash, a con man ect;

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Sakvithi stolen away like a thief in the night,

Leaving me, the Noble Edwin and the rest to face the music!

For Edwin is an honourable though naïve man;

So are they all, all gullible men and women,

Come I to speak about Sakvithi’s disappearance.

(abducted by a ‘White Van’ or ‘Aliens’ so they say)

I thought he was my friend, faithful and just to me, as I was to him,

(What silly old coot I was!)

But Chinthana says he was ambitious;

And Chinthana is a miserable man.

(remember ‘Helping Hambanthota?’)

He hath brought many lands in Sri Lanka

And the land value of these properties

Have increased throughout the years!

Did this in Sakvithi seem ambitious?

(It bloody well did! If you ask me!)

When the poor have cried, Sakvithi hath smirked:

These ‘Gullible Sri Lankans’ should be made of sterner stuff:

Yet Chinthana says he was ambitious;

Because Sakvithi did not cut him into the deal!

And Chinthana is a miserable man.

You all did see that on the Full Moon Poya day,

Chinthana thrice presented him a ‘Deshabandu Award’,

Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?

Yet Chinthana says he was ambitious;

And Chinthana is a miserable man,

Because the UNP and JVP say so!

I speak not to disprove that Chinthana spoke with forked tongue,

But here I am to speak what I do know. (or was made to believe!)

You all did love Sakvithi once, and trusted him with your cash:

What cause withholds you then, to curse him, and his mother and his ancestors?

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts, you ‘Dumb and Gullible Sri Lankans!’

And men and women and policemen and sports stars and film stars have lost their reason. (and their Cash! Hoo! Hoo!)

Bear with me;

My heart is with Sakvithi, were ever he might be.

(Probably on a sunny beach in the Bahamas!)

The ‘Dirty Dog,’ didn’t take me with him,

Left me holding the can, when the ‘Shit hit the Fan!'

And I must pause till it come back to me.



The End (or is it?)

How to Spice Up the Olympics!

A New Sri Lanka!

The policy of the Government of Sri Lanka is to "Bomb them all...and let GOD sort them out!"