August 31, 2012
How Sri Lanka Can Win the 2012 T20 World Cup
1. Appoint Mahinda Rajapaksa match referee of all the WC T20 matches played by Sri Lanka.
2. Appoint Gotabaya and Basil as on field umpires and Namal as the 3rd umpire in all the WC T20 matches played by Sri Lanka.
3. Appoint Chamal Rajapaksa as manager of the Sri Lanka cricket team.
4. Only allow Sri Lankan fans to enter the stadiums where the SL cricket team plays it’s matches.
5. Declare Mervin Silva, Duminda Silva and Wimal Weerawansa official cheerleaders of the SL cricket team and let them roam around the match venues intimidating fans and supporters of the opposing teams.
6. Bring in a 19th Amendment to the constitution making it compulsory for all Sri Lankans irrespective of their race or religion to fly the Sinhala flag from their homes and scream ‘JAYA WAY WAA! ONE COUNTRY! ONE PEOPLE! ONE RULING FAMILY’ every time a 4 or a 6 is scored by the SL team.
7. Declare the hotels accommodating opposition teams as “NO FIRE ZONES” and then promptly bombard them with multi-barrel rockets and cluster bombs.
8. Change the cricket laws so that Lasith Malinga can bowl all 20 over’s allotted to the SL team in each game.
9. During crunch matches, use “White Vans” to abduct key players of opposition teams (especially Virat Kohli of India) and promptly blame the abductions on an “International Conspiracy” to tarnish the image of the government and the country.
10. Wrap cricket balls with “Holy Thread” (pirith nool) utter some mumbo jumbo over the balls and place them in the stadiums where the SL team plays its games in order to bring them good luck.
11. If all of the above fails, contact the thief who was responsible for the museum robbery, and instruct him to steal the T20 World Cup and have it delivered to Hotel de Temple Palace.