March 9, 2011
How Sri Lanka Can Win The 2011 World Cup
1. Appoint Mahinda Rajapaksa match referee in all the WC matches played by Sri Lanka.
2. Appoint Gotabaya and Basil as on field umpires and Namal as the 3rd umpire in all the WC matches played by Sri Lanka.
3. Appoint Chamal Rajapaksa as manager of the Sri Lanka cricket team.
4. Only allow Sri Lankan fans to enter the stadiums where the SL cricket team plays it’s matches.
5. Declare Mervin Silva and Wimal Weerawansa official cheerleaders of the SL cricket team and let them roam around the match venues intimidating fans and supporters of the opposing teams.
6. Bring in a 19th Amendment to the constitution making it compulsory for all Sri Lankans irrespective of their race or religion to fly the Sinhala flag from their homes and scream ‘JAYA WAY WAA’ every time a 4 or a 6 is scored by the SL team.
7. Declare the hotels accommodating opposition teams as “NO FIRE ZONES” and then promptly bombard them with multi-barrel rockets and cluster bombs.
8. Change the cricket laws so that Murali and Lasith Malinga can bowl 25 overs each of the allotted 50 overs given to the SL team in each game.
9. During crunch matches, use “White Vans” to abduct key players of opposition teams and promptly blame the abductions on an “International Conspiracy” to tarnish the image of the country.
10. Wrap cricket balls with “Holy Thread” (pirith nool) utter some mumbo jumbo over the balls and place them in the stadiums where the SL team plays its games in order to bring them good luck.