Newspaper Headlines you would see, if the Dictatorship of Sri Lanka was in charge of the World Media

“World Bank officials get down on their knees and plead with President Rajapaksa to accept 1.9 billion dollar loan.”


“Colombo central, Colombo north, Colombo east, Colombo west and Borella voters who voted for the UNP, are part of an ‘International Conspiracy’ to destabilise the government and stop the forward march of the armed forces says leaders of China, North Korea, Sudan, Libya, Iran and Zimbabwe.”


“50,000 LTTE terrorists killed and 1,00,000 injured, with zero casualties to armed forces and Tamil civilians says Military Spokesman.”


“Prabahakaran rescued by alien flying saucer during the new year ceasefire admits Military Spokesman.”


“World leaders beg President Rajapaksa to accept post of UN General Secretary, and request that Sri Lanka take over from America as the Global policeman of the world.”


“President Rajapaksa gets rousing welcome from American public, while recent Gallup poll shows Rajapaksa more popular than Obama.”


“LTTE fires multi barrel rockets and drops cluster bombs and napalm from Mig and Kafir jets, to prevent Tamil civilians from escaping from the ‘No Fire’ zone.”


“Daya Master says Erik Solheim and Prabahakaran were masterminds behind Mumbai attack.”


“Daya Master divulges that opposition leader Ranil Wickramasinghe instigated and personally led the attacks on the Sri Lankan embassies in Norway and Germany.”


“Daya Master admits LTTE was involved in attack on MTV/MBC TV station and the killing of Sunday Leader editor.”


“Daya Master tells interrogators that the LTTE were behind the abductions and killings of Tamil civilians in ‘White Vans.’


“Daya Master says that LTTE were involved in the killing of 14 journalists and the intimidation of 28 others during the past three years.”


“LTTE responsible for the killing of American President John F.Kennedy says Daya Master.”


“President Obama begs President Rajapaksa to send his Sinhala Army to take over from American troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.”


“75,000 American women to work as house maids in Sri Lanka.”


“World wide ‘Gallup poll’ shows President Rajapaksa more popular than Gandhi, Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela.”


“Tamil refugees say they are extremely happy living in camps surrounded by barbed wire and armed guards and plead with authorities not to resettle them.”


“Tamil refugees tell reporters they are honoured to live as second class citizens and said they will renounce the tamil language and learn sinhalese.”


“President Rajapaksa, Defence Secretary Gotabaya Rajapaksa and General Sarath Fonseka to receive Nobel Peace Prize.”