February 1, 2011

Often quoted quotes by Sun Tzu Paksha modified to suit the present day Sri Lanka

"You must listen to the words of Sun-Tzu Paksha. If you will not listen to the words of Sun-Tzu Paksha, one third of your army will die, one third of your army will desert you and one third of your army will sell vegetables in the market."

"There is no victory unless you scream ‘maathrooboomeyaa’ bang your chest and kiss the airport tarmac."

"The general who heeds the words of Sun-Tzu Paksha shall be victorious. The general who does not heed the words of Sun-Tzu Paksha shall be defeated. The general who has never even heard of Sun-Tzu Paksha and just spends his time writing to groundviews about paradigm shifts and semantics shall be made Ambassador of France."

"To win, you must know yourself, know your enemy, know your weapons, and know how to blow those people who don’t agree with your point of view from the face of this earth."

"Victory cannot be achieved by writing to groundviews about paradigm shifts and semantics, unless you are fighting an enemy that gives up or simply dies outright upon being exposed to paradigm shifts and semantics on groundviews."

"Know what your enemies are afraid of. They will retreat, and you will destroy them without fighting any lawsuits."

"Know your enemy, know yourself, know your girlfriend's ex Pradeshiya Saba husband's abusive temperament, know his work schedule, and most importantly know the fastest way to get the hell out of there if he decides to come home early."

"Make war, not kola kenda."

"When fighting an enemy that insists on taking constant toilet breaks, take advantage of the breaks to catch up on your favourite teledramas."

"For one to be successful in war, one must yell 'JAYA WAY WAA' every time one kills an enemy".

"All men can see the tactics whereby I conquer, but there's no way I'm letting them see my wife naked."

"The high ground is easier to defend, and easier to attack from. The low ground, on the other hand, is often wet and full of dengue mosquitoes.

"When your enemy has the high ground, it's all over, so never wage a Humanitarian war in Nepal."

"All warfare is based on deception. Hey David Black & Decker! What's that behind you?"

"Enemies are bad, we are good - therefore nobody will mind if we do horrible things to them except ‘International Conspirators’ and other such people."

"You shall not win a war by reading The Art of War alone. You must also assemble an army, do some fighting, kill a couple of thousand enemies, call it a ‘Humanitarian Operation’ with ‘Zero Casualties’ that sort of thing."

"A victory is only made official by a celebration involving kiribath, kavun and fire crackers."

"To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the greatest skill. The greatest skill is to win one thousand victories in one thousand battles with ‘zero casualties’ and call it the asschariya rai of asia."

“Winning the war and losing the peace is the acme of skill.”

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