March 12, 2010

Headlines that could appear in Sri Lankan Newspapers in 2050AD

President Namal Rajapaksa tells NDTV that the LTTE will be completely defeated by the end of the year!

Prime Minister of India, Rahul Gandhi said at a press conference that India does not support the LTTE, and that there are no LTTE camps on Indian soil.

Vinyargamoorthy Muralitharan Junior, Supreme Leader of the LTTE, vows to use two 15 kiloton nuclear devices obtained from North Korea in populated Sinhala areas if a separate state of Eelam is not granted by the Government of Rajapaksa (GOR).

The great pyramid housing the mummified remains of the Great Emperor Percy Rajapaksa, father of present President Namal Rajapaksa was completely destroyed by LTTE jets!

The sacred ‘Satakaya’ once worn by the Great Emperor Percy Rajapaksa, which is said to hold magical powers has been secreted away from the Dalada Maligawa to an undisclosed location for safe keeping!

Wimal Weerawansa, former lapdog of the Great Emperor Percy Rajapaksa passed away after a brief illness in Disneyland America. The remains will be cremated and buried in Cuba next to the grave of Fidel Castro!

DNA evidence proves beyond a doubt that the former Supreme Leader of the LTTE, Velupillai Prabahakaran was the biological father of present LTTE leader Vinyargamoorthy Muralitharan Junior.

The International Criminal Court convicts Great Emperor Percy Rajapaksa, Gotabaya Rajapaksa and General Sarath Fonseka, (all three who are now deceased) for being responsible for the deaths of over 20,000 Tamil civilians during the final stages of the war against the LTTE, 41 years ago.

The Great Wall of Sri Lanka, which was built in 2012AD, across the north of Sri Lanka to prevent LTTE rebels from crossing over to the south, is the only man made structure that can be seen from outer space, said Urine Gagarine Rajapaksa, the first Sri Lankan astronaut to orbit the earth!

The Jathika Hela Urumaya requests all patriotic Sinhala Buddhists not to vote for UNP Presidential Candidate, Barakamesh Hobarmysingham (a Tamil), because he vows to devolve maximum powers to the minorities in the north and east, and in doing so, bring to an end the 100 year conflict between the Sinhalese and the Tamils.

The yearly pilgrimage to the graves of Military Comedian Brigadiar Udaya Nanayakara and Government Comedian Keheliya Rambukwella, who kept audiences worldwide in stitches with their daily utterances and tall stories about Eelam War IV, over 40 years ago, will not be held this year due to security reasons, said Charlie Chaplin Rajapaksa, the spokesman for "The Clowns and Comedians Worldwide Association."

President Namal Rajapaksa promised the 3,00,000 refugees who were displaced due to the war, 41 years ago, that he would re-settle them after the LTTE was completely defeated!

Cabraal Nivaad Ajith, Central Bank Governor and son of former Governor, (the late Ajith Nivaad Cabraal) said that the 2.6 billion US$ loan that Sri Lanka requested from the IMF in 2009, would be received in the near future.

95 year old Jathika Hela Urumaya monk, Athuruliye Rathna Thero told journalists that the only way "Mathata Thitha," the complete eradication of alcohol and drugs from society would succeed was, if society was completely eradicated. He further stated that a special bill on how this could be done would be presented to parliament in the near future.


  1. GOOD STUFF - Here to hoping I'm not among the living then!!!!

  2. niyamai, u need to syndicate this blog to get more readers in....