I want to be the most Influential Idiot in the Universe!

This is a new Alphabet for the ‘Vocal Majority’ from the ‘Silent Minority’.

A is for Abductions that take place daily, usually blamed on aliens.

B is for Benz Bikkus who live in the lap of luxury.

C is for Censorship of TV programmes showing scenes of alcohol and tobacco.

D is for Doctor Delipihiya patron saint of murder and mayhem.

E is for Elections which are neither free nor fair.

F is for Freedom of abduction, harassment and imprisonment under the Prevention of Tourism Act.

G is for Gullible majority who have been hoodwinked since 1948.

H is for Human rights abuses that occur 465 days of the year.

I is for IndepenDunce also known as the ’63 Year Curse’. (We were better off under the British!)


J is for Jayasuriya, who will probably play until the 2043 World Cup or until he gets his EPF?


K is for Kassipu. (A bottle a day keeps the liver awake.)

L is for Lies, damned lies and statistics that the government media saturates us with each day.

M is for Mahinda Chinthanaya. (Who needs the Bible, Koran and Tripitaka when we have the ‘chinthanaya.’

N is for Nepotism or favoritism to relatives. (Also check R)

O is for the 17 Patriotic Opposition MPs who crossed over to the government to save the country.


P is for Pillayan, who became Chief Minister of the East using the ‘Bullet’ to get the ‘Ballot.’


Q is for Question mark? When will we become the ASS Chariya Rai of the universe? When pigs fly or when hell freezes over?


R is for Rajapaksa Poshanaya of Mahinda, Basil, Goatabaya and Chamal.

T is for Terrorism. Both the LTTE kind and the State sponsored kind.

U is for Underestimate. What the Government always does of the LTTE.

V is for Velupillai Prabahakaran may you rest in pieces.(very very small pieces)

W is for Wickramasinghe (Ranil). The greatest President that never governed Sri Lanka.


X is for Xenophobia or the island mentality. The dislike of all things foreign.

Y is for Yearning for yesterday. The national pastime of living in the past.

Z is for Zero Casualties the tall story that only most Sinhalese believe.

THE TRUTH...THE WHOLE TRUTH & NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH! Newspaper Headlines From Sri Lanka

Sai Baba resigns from captaincy.

Sanga on life-support with chest and lung infection.

Step motherly treatment for Manmohan Singh at World Cup finals.

MR to step down from PresiDuncy after 2015 World Cup.

My World Cup career is over says fast bowler Namal Rajapaksa.

SL deserved to win says Indian captain Dhoni.

News editor of Lanka E News takes police chief into custody.

Human rights group demands release of police chief.

Sri Lanka press India to amend constitution.

Sri Lanka says future cooperation with India depends on improvements in its human rights record.

Lankans gave up joy for Indians : Manmohan Singh.

Sri Lanka release US$ 218m to IMF.

MR to promote democracy in Switzerland.

US navy fire on Tamil Nadu fishermen.

Tourists misguide SL tour guides.

Milk powder price hike accepted joyfully by SL consumers.

Ruhunu University students brutally attack innocent police with bicycle chains, daggers and rods.

Elections Commissioner says SL only country in the world to hold free and fair elections.

Legal action to be filed against spectators by SL cricket Board over ticket sale rules.

International jubilation over killing of Lasantha Wickramatunga.

Come and witness semi final match with me – Gaddafi invites MR.

Ban Ki Moon and his supporters’ stage protest in front of minister Weerawansa’s office.

Ban Ki Moon in fast unto death to protest UN interference in SL affaires.

Professor G.L.Peries seeks political asylum in Libya.

Consumers plead for bakery product price hike before Sinhalese and Tamil New Year.

Sri RajaPakistani Crooked Team Wins World Cup

Coach Normal Rogerproxy had put together the perfect Sri RajaPakistani Crooked team. The only thing he was missing after La Shit Malinger retired was a good fast bowler. He had scouted all around the country, but he couldn't find a bowler who could ensure a World Cup win.

Then one night, while watching BooBee She, he saw a war-zone scene in JewMany. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Jewman soldier with an incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away -- ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away -- ka-ba-ka-ba-boom! Then a car passed, going 90 mph -- bulls-eye!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach Normal Rogerproxy said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to Sri RajaPakistan and teaches him the great game of crooked, and the Sri RajaPakistani Crooked team go on to win their 2nd World Cup after 25 years.

The young Jewman is feted as the Great Hero of Sri RajaPakistani Crooked, and when Coach Normal Rogerproxy asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother. "Mum," he says into the phone, "I just won the World Cup."

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son."

"I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans eating milk rice and lighting crackers and screaming ‘Maa throo booo meee yar’ at the top of my voice."

"No, let me tell you," the mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots bombs going off all around us. The neighbourhood is a pile of rubble and rubbish. Your two brothers were abducted in white vans and beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight and the police say it is an ‘International Conspiracy’ to tarnish the image of Sri RajaPakistan."

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says...

"...I'll never forgive you for making us move from Jewmany to Sri RajaPakistan the Utopian Parasite of ASSia!

How Sri Lanka Can Win The 2011 World Cup

1. Appoint Mahinda Rajapaksa match referee in all the WC matches played by Sri Lanka.

2. Appoint Gotabaya and Basil as on field umpires and Namal as the 3rd umpire in all the WC matches played by Sri Lanka.

3. Appoint Chamal Rajapaksa as manager of the Sri Lanka cricket team.

4. Only allow Sri Lankan fans to enter the stadiums where the SL cricket team plays it’s matches.

5. Declare Mervin Silva and Wimal Weerawansa official cheerleaders of the SL cricket team and let them roam around the match venues intimidating fans and supporters of the opposing teams.

6. Bring in a 19th Amendment to the constitution making it compulsory for all Sri Lankans irrespective of their race or religion to fly the Sinhala flag from their homes and scream ‘JAYA WAY WAA’ every time a 4 or a 6 is scored by the SL team.

7. Declare the hotels accommodating opposition teams as “NO FIRE ZONES” and then promptly bombard them with multi-barrel rockets and cluster bombs.

8. Change the cricket laws so that Murali and Lasith Malinga can bowl 25 overs each of the allotted 50 overs given to the SL team in each game.

9. During crunch matches, use “White Vans” to abduct key players of opposition teams and promptly blame the abductions on an “International Conspiracy” to tarnish the image of the country.

10. Wrap cricket balls with “Holy Thread” (pirith nool) utter some mumbo jumbo over the balls and place them in the stadiums where the SL team plays its games in order to bring them good luck.

2 Idiots?

Often quoted quotes by Sun Tzu Paksha modified to suit the present day Sri Lanka

"You must listen to the words of Sun-Tzu Paksha. If you will not listen to the words of Sun-Tzu Paksha, one third of your army will die, one third of your army will desert you and one third of your army will sell vegetables in the market."

"There is no victory unless you scream ‘maathrooboomeyaa’ bang your chest and kiss the airport tarmac."

"The general who heeds the words of Sun-Tzu Paksha shall be victorious. The general who does not heed the words of Sun-Tzu Paksha shall be defeated. The general who has never even heard of Sun-Tzu Paksha and just spends his time writing to groundviews about paradigm shifts and semantics shall be made Ambassador of France."

"To win, you must know yourself, know your enemy, know your weapons, and know how to blow those people who don’t agree with your point of view from the face of this earth."

"Victory cannot be achieved by writing to groundviews about paradigm shifts and semantics, unless you are fighting an enemy that gives up or simply dies outright upon being exposed to paradigm shifts and semantics on groundviews."

"Know what your enemies are afraid of. They will retreat, and you will destroy them without fighting any lawsuits."

"Know your enemy, know yourself, know your girlfriend's ex Pradeshiya Saba husband's abusive temperament, know his work schedule, and most importantly know the fastest way to get the hell out of there if he decides to come home early."

"Make war, not kola kenda."

"When fighting an enemy that insists on taking constant toilet breaks, take advantage of the breaks to catch up on your favourite teledramas."

"For one to be successful in war, one must yell 'JAYA WAY WAA' every time one kills an enemy".

"All men can see the tactics whereby I conquer, but there's no way I'm letting them see my wife naked."

"The high ground is easier to defend, and easier to attack from. The low ground, on the other hand, is often wet and full of dengue mosquitoes.

"When your enemy has the high ground, it's all over, so never wage a Humanitarian war in Nepal."

"All warfare is based on deception. Hey David Black & Decker! What's that behind you?"

"Enemies are bad, we are good - therefore nobody will mind if we do horrible things to them except ‘International Conspirators’ and other such people."

"You shall not win a war by reading The Art of War alone. You must also assemble an army, do some fighting, kill a couple of thousand enemies, call it a ‘Humanitarian Operation’ with ‘Zero Casualties’ that sort of thing."

"A victory is only made official by a celebration involving kiribath, kavun and fire crackers."

"To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the greatest skill. The greatest skill is to win one thousand victories in one thousand battles with ‘zero casualties’ and call it the asschariya rai of asia."

“Winning the war and losing the peace is the acme of skill.”

The NEW Silly Lankan National Anthem

God save our gracious Maha Raja,
Long live our noble Maha Raja,
God save the Maha Raja!
Send him victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us,
God save the Maha Raja!

O Maha Raja arise,
Scatter our enemies,
And make them fall with more 9/11s!
Confound their International conspiracies,
Confuse their politics,
On you our hopes we fix,
God save the Maha Raja!

Not in this land alone,
Be Maha Raja’s mercies known,
From shore to shore!
Maha Raja make the nations see,
That brothers should rule,
And only one family reign,
The wide world ov'er

From every latent foe,
From the Diaspora to Sir Roth Funnyshaker,
God save the Maha Raja!
O'er his arm extend,
For Rajapakistan’s sake defend,
Our father, king, uncle, aunty and friend,
God save the Maha Raja!

Thy choicest real estate in the land,
On him be pleased to bestow,
Long may he reign! And after him his son!
May he defend our laws,
And ever give us cause,
To sing with heart and voice,
God save the Maha Raja!

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) (aka Megalomania)

According to the World Health Organization, Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is described as, “A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behaviour), need for admiration, and lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of situations and environments.”
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

 Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

 Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

 Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

Rarely acknowledges mistakes and/or imperfections.

 Requires excessive admiration.

 Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

 Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

 Lacks empathy: is unwilling or unable to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

 Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

 Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitude.


Theodore Millon identified five subtypes of narcissist. Any individual narcissist may exhibit none or one of the following:

 unprincipled narcissist - including antisocial features. A charlatan - is a fraudulent, exploitative, deceptive and unscrupulous individual. (Pronounced as JILMART in Sinhala)

 amorous narcissist - including histrionic features. The Don Juan of our times - is erotic, exhibitionist.

 compensatory narcissist - including negativistic (passive-aggressive), avoidant features.

 elitist narcissist - variant of pure pattern. Corresponds to Wilhelm Reich's "phallic narcissistic" personality type.

 fanatic type - including paranoid features. A severely narcissistically wounded individual, usually with major paranoid tendencies who holds onto an illusion of omnipotence.

My personal belief is that Mahinda Rajapaksa is afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). If you have been closely observing his shenanigans since he came to power in November 2005, (especially the recent week long Tamasha that was organised for his second inauguration as PresiDunce), you too would have come to the same conclusion after reading the observations of the WHO and Theodore Millon which are given above. I further believe that according to Theodore Millons identified five subtypes of narcissist, Mahinda Rajapaksa falls in to the category of,

 unprincipled narcissist - including antisocial features. A charlatan - is a fraudulent, exploitative, deceptive and unscrupulous individual. (Pronounced as JILMART in Sinhala)

and

 fanatic type - including paranoid features. A severely narcissistically wounded individual, usually with major paranoid tendencies who holds onto an illusion of omnipotence.

Now the 64 million dollar question is, WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
Short of a peoples’ revolution or the grim reaper having mercy upon us and giving Rajapaksa what he deserves...I see no other solution to the continuation of his dictatorial rule in the near future!

The Sri Lankan & North Korean Family Rule

North Korea here we come!

North Korea’s government follows the Juche ideology of self-reliance, developed by the country's former President, Kim Il-sung. After his death, Kim Il-sung was declared to be the country's Eternal President. (ha...ha...ha...reminds me of the slogan on banners, “Oba samadaa apay Janapathi!” translated to English it means you will be our PresiDunce forever!)

Juche became the official state ideology when the country adopted a new constitution in 1972, though Kim Il-sung had been using it to form policy since at least as early as 1955. (remids me of the “Mahinda Chinthanaya.”) After the collapse of the Soviet Union and a series of natural disasters, a famine occurred, causing the death of 900,000 to 2 million people. (We can expect something similar in the near future!) Facing these circumstances, leader Kim Jong-Il (thats Kim Il-sungs son) adopted Songun, or a "military-first" policy in order to strengthen the country and its government. (what will Namal adopt after his father kicks the bucket? “Namal Chinthanaya?”)

Officially a socialist republic, many media organizations outside North Korea report that it is a totalitarian Stalinist dictatorship with an elaborate cult of personality around the Kim family and one of the worst human rights records of any country. (Now is there a cult of personality behind the Rajapaksha family or not?) North Korea is the world's most militarized nation with a total of 9,495,000 active, reserve, and paramilitary personnel. (Sri Lanka is slowly getting there). It is a nuclear weapons state, and has begun an active space program. (All Rajapaksa doesn’t have for the time being is nuclear weapons...God help the neighbouring countries if he gets his hands on a few nukes!) Due to the government's secretive nature and its reluctance to allow in foreigners, North Korea is today considered the world's most isolated country and has thus been given the moniker "The Hermit Kingdom" by some. (well Sri Lanka is slowly but surely getting there and I have given it the moniker, “JILMART ISLAND”).