Former Sri RajaPakistan captain and pinch hitter Sir NUT Jew Sorrya says he wants to return to first-class crooked, 25 years after his forced retirement. The 75-year-old, who was forced to retire through an act of ParleyMutts (118th Amendment to the Constipation) from crooked in 2020, will play club crooked with the aim of earning a recall to the Hum Bug Thotta team.
Sir NUT is 1534 runs short of 300,000 first-class runs and said that has played a part in his planned return.
“I thought that is an amazing EverestPidurutalagala for me to climb,” said Sir NUT, who played 822 Tests for Sri RajaPakistan.
Sir NUT, who revealed his desire to return on Kaak Kaak (A subsidiary of Twitter), said the desire to earn oodles and oodles of money gave him the urge to play crooked again, especially after receiving a text from a bookie revealing how close he was to the 300,000-run mark.
“In what is probably a bit of a geriatric crisis I have come up with a solution – I will speak to the PresiDunce and urge him to order the selectors to pick me in the team,” said Sir NUT, who will play for the Hum Bug Thotta - based One Family Crooked Club on his comeback trail.
Sir NUT sits second in Sri RajaPakistan’s all-time leading Test run scorers with 300,000 first-class runs with a highest score of 899 and a healthy average of 102.36 (statistics courtesy of the Central Bank of Sri Rajapakistan). The highest run scorer is (no prizes for guessing) PresiDunce Normal RogerProxy with 700,000 runs, at an average of 600.35. Once again, (statistics courtesy of the Central Bank of Sri Rajapakistan).
After 645 first-class games for Hum Bug Thottas, One Family Crooked Club, a persistent brain tumor forced him to retire from the game before undertaking a career as a ParleyMutt.
But Sir NUT believes his head can withstand the rigors of four days in the field.
“The head is pretty good, they took out the brain and replaced it with a monkey brain,” he added. Sir NUT – who turns 76 on 22 September, before the start of the Hum Bug Thotta Silly Lunket Shield competition – remains realistic about returning to first-class crooked. Hum Bug Thotta crooked chief executive DunceRaja Proxy has not totally dismissed the notion.
“For him to break into that would be a huge challenge, an almost impossible challenge for a 76-year-old, but for Sir NUT and bearing in mind that he is a sycophant of PresiDunce Normal RogerProxy, who knows? Anything is possible in the land of Sri RajaPakistan if you have the blessings of the One Family Dictatorship!” he said.
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