Why not to vote!

You're only one in a million, so why bother to vote, to speak up, to get involved, to commit yourself? German author Hans Habe answers this way: "The world is one percent good, one percent bad, and 98 percent neutral, and this is why what individuals do is important.

In the case of Sri Lanka, there is a 69 percent vocal majority and a 31 percent powerless minority. And a situation where the President is elected only from the 69 percent vocal majority, and never from the 31 percent powerless minority!
Now the 64 million dollar question is, WHY VOTE when the henchmen and henchwomen of the Royal Family eventually SELECTS who WINS and who LOSES…and by how much they win by at the counting centres.

The only way forward is for this country to be once again administered by Britain or some other 1st world country. Until then, Sri Lanka will meander along as a 'Can't be developed country,' ruled by an oriental despot and his Royal Family of 300+.

Jathika Hela Urumaya Sex Laws

Here are some repressive laws designed to regulate private sexual conduct in Sri Lanka. These laws will come into effect the day the "Jathika Hela Urumaya" comes to power and Sri Lanka is turned into a "Dharma Raajya."


1) Couples found kissing under an umbrella will have their umbrella confiscated and their lips sealed with super glue for not less than a period of six months.

2) Perversion will be defined by law as any sexual act that requires enough energy to regenerate a self-winding wrist watch.

3) Any individual who has been convicted of bestiality or sodomy will be required by law to wear a dog collar while mixing in public.

4) It will be considered a felony with a five year jail term for exhibiting a vasectomy scar to any female other than your wife.

5) Any sexual act that "burns ones eyebrows or pubic hair, leaves the tip of one's nose bruised or results in bite marks to any part of one's anatomy will be considered a criminal offence.

6) A minimum of eight years rigorous imprisonment will be the punishment for any man convicted of weighing his genitals in mixed company.

7) A fine of Rupees 5000/- will be prescribed for anyone who tosses confetti in the air while reaching a sexual climax.

8) A gynaecologist's hands will be considered deadly weapons and will have to be registered like firearms with the police department.

9) Ten years imprisonment will be the punishment for anyone engaged in the manufacture, sale, distribution or use of contraceptives and aphrodisiacs.

10) Any orgasm that registers on a Richter scale will be considered a crime against nature and will be punishable by not more than six months of solitary confinement.

11) It will be unlawful to wear a purple shirt, a pink trouser and white shoes while seducing a fashion designers daughter.

12) Teenagers will be required to sleep with both hands cuffed to the bed posts until they reach marriageable age.

13) An unmarried man who is found performing oral sex in a shopping cart in any 'Sathosa' supermarket automatically becomes ineligible for food stamps.

14) It will be against the law for an unmarried woman to own, manage or work in a sperm bank.

15) Any woman who arouses herself with a vegetable or any foreign object will be hanged.

16) Any soldier who dies while having intercourse with a prostitute will not be buried in a military cemetery with full military honours.

17) The death penalty will be invoked on anyone who inflates a condom at a children's birthday party.

18) Any intercourse that doesn't result in pregnancy will be deemed unlawful.

19) Anyone convicted of having sexual relations with the dead will not be legally permitted to celebrate Halloween.

20) The removal of the price tag from a water bed will be considered a misdemeanour. The act automatically becomes a felony if one happens to be having intercourse on the water bed at that time.

The Percy ‘Jilmart’ Bean Prayer

Our Presi-Dunce who art in Hotel de Temple Palace,

Percy ‘Jilmart’ Bean be thy name,

Thy KingDumb come, thy election will be won,

And thy Royal Family of 300+ will be in 7th Heaven.

Give us this day a packet of rice, and a 500 rupee bribe,

And urge us to vote for you, as we voted for you in 2005.

And lead us not into inflation, but deliver us from international conspiracies,

For thine is the army, navy, air force and police,

And the judges and the jury,

And the power and the glory,

Forever and ever,

Amen and Jaya HOO!

My Name is NOT Khan…

… It's Percy 'Jilmart' Bean! Presi-Dunce of "The DemoCrazy, TheoCrazy, International Conspiracy of Idiot Island!

Idiot Islanders Rejoice! You may have lost the GSP+...but you have gained ME and my Royal Family of 300+...

That Japang dude Sushi Yakashi once asked me, how often I had elections…and I replied to him that I have an election every time I see that Hinacurly girl!

The Shyneese Premier dude once asked me how many erections I have had since I was erected Presi-Dunce…and I told him to go ask the erections commissioner! Duh!

While having rice and curry with ME and my Royal Family of 300+…the Titalian Premier told me he wanna fork! I told him you no fork in front of my Royal Family of 300+ ! But he tell me he wanna fork on the table! I tell him, you no fork on the table you sonama beach! And he tell me, then at least give him a spoon. So I say, “Waiter! Give this man a spoon!” And he eat his rice and curry with the spoon; and he no longer wanna fork on the table. Bloody Titalians!

My 3 sons Ipang, Opang and Japang once asked me if all Fairy Tales began with ‘Once Upon A Time?’ And I said Nooo… some Fairy Tales begin with, When I Become Presi-Dunce…

When I’m at home, everyone kisses my butt…and when I’m abroad, I kiss everyone’s butt! I recently kissed Moda Dave and Putting’s butts when I went to Rooseeyar. I once even kissed the tarmac in the airport! Of all the butts I’ve kissed, the butt of Kernal GodayaFree of Labia, smelt the nicest!

Peepal’s who don’t love the country, call me by many names like Idi Amin Bean, Adolf Bean, Mugabe Bean and Pol Pot Bean. My reply to these peepal’s is the same as what my good friend Willyman Shake His Spear used to say… “A ruse by any other name, would still smell fishy like a computer ‘jilmart’ election fraud!”

Some Shynees dude said, many years ago, if you want to be remembered beyond your time…you must plant a tree, bear a son and write a book . Well I, Percy ‘Jilmart’ Bean have uprooted thousands of trees to build an airport that nobody needs. I have 3 sons called Ipang, Opang and Japang who are 3 chips of the old block. And I have written 2 bestsellers called “My Name is NOT Khan” and “My Name Is Percy 'Jilmart' Bean!” I guess 2 out of 3 isn’t that bad eh? Without a doubt, the Percy 'Jilmart' Bean Reich will last a thousand years, and the name Percy 'Jilmart' Bean will last a thousand more! JAYA HOO!

The tourist in the chicken coop

Once upon a time, on a sunny morning on Idiot Island, a man looked out of the window and saw a tourist inside his chicken coop. So the man went to the bedroom where his wife was still asleep and woke her.

“There is a tourist in the chicken coop,” he said, “and I think he is hatching an international conspiracy!”

His wife opened one angry eye and looked at him.
“Tourism has been completely defeated,” she said. “There are no longer any tourists on Idiot Island...not even the ones who went around waving white thermos flasks!”

So the man walked out slowly into the garden and went towards the chicken coop. The tourist was still there.

“Are you a tourist or a state tourist? The man asked. “I’m a tourist, and I’m hatching an international conspiracy using NGO money to bring the government of Idiot Island into disrepute!” the tourist replied.

So the man walked back into the house and roused his wife again. “The tourist is hatching an international conspiracy using NGO money to bring the government of Idiot Island into disrepute!” he said.

His wife sat up in bed and looked at him coldly.
“You are an unpatriotic idiot who doesn’t love his country,” she said, “and I’m going to have you arrested under the Prevention of Tourism Act!”

The man who was a patriot, who didn’t boast about it to anyone, thought for a moment. “We shall see about that,” he said. Then he walked back towards the chicken coop to watch the tourist. But the tourist had vanished! Maybe a ‘White Unidentified Four-wheeled Object’ (WUFO) had made him vanish thought the man.

The wife got up and dressed as fast as she could. She was very excited, thinking about the reward she would get for capturing a traitor. So she hung the national flag from the window and telephoned the Peacekeepers and the Minister for the Prevention Of Tourism, (POT) and told them to hurry to her house as soon as possible!

When the Peacekeepers and the Minister of POT arrived, they sat down and looked at her with great interest.
“My husband,” she said, “saw a tourist inside a chicken coop this morning!”

The Peacekeepers looked at the Minister of POT, and the Minister of POT looked at the Peacekeepers.
“He told me that the tourist was hatching an international conspiracy using NGO money!” she said.

The Minister of POT looked at the Peacekeepers, and the Peacekeepers looked at the Minister of POT.
“He told me the tourist was planning on bringing disrepute on the government of Idiot Island!” she said.

At a signal from the Minister of POT, the Peacekeepers leapt from their chairs and seized the wife. She put up a terrific struggle, but they finally got her under control, just as the husband came back from the chicken coop.

“Did you tell your wife you saw a tourist in the chicken coop?” asked the Minister of POT.
“Of course not,” said the husband. “Tourism has been completely defeated and there are no longer any tourists on Idiot Island...not even the ones who went around waving white thermos flasks!”

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” said the Minister of POT. “Take her away. I’m sorry sir, but your wife is a threat to national security!”
So they took her away, cursing and screaming and locked her up in a navy camp under the ‘Prevention of Terrorism Act.’

And so the husband lived happily ever after.

The Moral of the story:
Don’t count your international conspiracies before they are hatched.

2010 Rigged Presidential Election Results of Sri Lanka

If the Rogerproxys’ ruled the world…?

…Planet Earth would be named Planet Rogerproxy.

…Planet Rogerproxy would be ruled by the qudrumvirate of brothers.

…Supreme Leader IdiMihin Rogerproxy would rule Asia and the Pacific Islands, including Australia and New Zealand…Tenperzent Rogerproxy would rule Europe…Eldabrada Rogerproxy would rule Africa and the Muddled East and Attilla da Goatproxy would rule North and South America.

…Every household on Planet Rogerproxy would be required to hang a picture of the Rogerproxy Brothers in their homes.

…There would no longer be Americans, Indians, British, French, Germans etc. There would only be Rogerproxyans.

…Henceforth there would only be one religion which would be called Rogerproxyism.

…All Rogerproxyans living on Planet Rogerproxy would have to chant “IdidMihin Rogerproxy is the one GOD, and Attilla da Goatproxy is his brother!” five times a day, 365 days a year.

…There would be motivational hoardings put up all around Planet Rogerproxy with messages like, “Big Brothers’ are Watching You,” “Long Live the One Family Dictatorship,” “War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength,” etc…

…There would be one world currency called the Rogerproxy Rupee.

…There would be only 2 newspapers printed Worldwide called the ‘Sunday Rogerproxy’ and the ‘Daily Rogerproxy.’

…There would be only one TV channel called the ‘Independent Rogerproxy Network’ and one radio channel called ‘The Rogerproxy Broadcasting Corporation.’

…There would be only one search engine for the worldwide web called,
www.rogerproxy.com

…Famous place names, buildings, landmarks etc like the Eiffel Tower, Sydney Opera House, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Niagara Falls, Taj Mahal, Mount Everest, Buckingham Palace and The Great Wall of China would become,,,
… Rogerproxy Tower, Rogerproxy Opera House, Leaning Tower of Rogerproxy, Rogerproxy Falls, Rogerproxy Mahal, Mount Rogerproxy, Rogerproxy Palace and The Great Wall of Rogerproxy.

…Names of famous people past and present would have to include the Rogerproxy name, for example: Einstein Rogerproxy, Napoleon Rogerproxy, Hitler Rogerproxy, Ceasar Rogerproxy, Castro Rogerproxy, Che Guevara Rogerproxy, Queen Elizabeth Rogerproxy, Lady Diana Rogerproxy, Prince Charles Rogerproxy, Mother Theresa Rogerproxy, Pope Benedict Rogerproxy, Obama Rogerproxy, Sadam Rogerproxy, Osama Bin Rogerproxy, Lenin Rogerproxy, Marx Rogerproxy, Nelson Mandela Rogerproxy and Gandhi Rogerproxy to name just a few.

…Famous books would have their titles changed, for example:
The Brothers Rogerproxy by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Rogerproxy
Lady Rogerproxy’s Lover by D.H.Lawrence Rogerproxy
The Four Rogerproxys by Alexander Dumas Rogerproxy
On the Road with Rogerproxy by Jack Kerouac Rogerproxy
King Rogerproxy and the Knights of the Round Table by Rogerproxy Rogerproxy (an autobiography)
Moby Dick Rogerproxy by Herman Melville Rogerproxy
Robinson Crusoe Rogerproxy by Daniel Defoe Rogerproxy
Swiss Family Rogerproxy by Johann Rogerproxy Wyss
Adventures of Tom Sawyer Rogerproxy by Mark Twain Rogerproxy
Romeo and Juliet Rogerproxy by William Shakespeare Rogerproxy
The Emperor Rogerproxy’s New Clothes by Hans Christian Andersan Rogerproxy
The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam Rogerproxy by Edward Fitzgerald Rogerproxy
Aesop Rogerproxy’s Fables by V.S. Vernon Jones Rogerproxy
The Grapes of Rogerproxy’s Wrath by John Steinbeck Rogerproxy
To name but a few.

…Famous movie stars would change their names to Aishwariya Rogerproxy, Sharuk Rogerproxy, Salman Rogerproxy, Amitab Bachan Rogerproxy, Kajol Rogerproxy, Madhuri Dixit Rogerproxy, Sanjay Dutt Rogerproxy, Angelina Jollie Rogerproxy, Jessica Alba Rogerproxy, Vin Diesel Rogerproxy, Tom Cruise Rogerproxy, John Abraham Rogerproxy and Preety Zinta Rogerproxy.

…Niccolo Machiavelli Rogerproxy’s famous book “The Prince” would be renamed “The Wannabe King” (aka The Caretaker), and Sun Tzu Rogerproxy’s book, “The Art of War” would be renamed “The Art of Humanitarian Operations.”
Leo Tolstoy Rogerproxy’s “War and Peace” would be renamed “Humanitarian Operations and Peace.”

…Henceforth the 1st and 2nd World Wars would be known as “1st World Hymanitarian Operation” and the “2nd World Humanitarian Operation.”
We would then have “The Japaneese Humanitarian Operation of Pearl Harbour,” and “The Dropping of Humanitarian Fireworks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki by the Americans.”

…When asked by someone, “Who came first…the chicken the egg or the Rogerproxys’?” The correct answer would be, “The Rogerproxys.” Those who get the answer wrong would have to spend six months in a “Welfare Humanitarian Holiday Camp.”

…The United Nations would change it’s name to “The Rogerproxy Nations,” after which there would be only 2 kinds of nations; nations that love the Rogerproxys’ and nations that do not love the Rogerproxys.’

…Nations that love the Rogerproxys’ will be known as ‘Patriot Nations’ and nations that do not love them will be known as ‘International Conspiracy Nations.’

…All roads that used to lead to Rome, will now lead to Humbugthotta.

…The Rogerproxy Nations Secretary General would change his name from Ban Ki Moon to Ban Ki Rogerproxy.

…WHO and WFO would change their names to the “Rogerproxy Health Organisation” and the “Rogerproxy Food Programme.”
…World history would be rewritten: Homo Sapiens would become Homo Rogerproxyans.

…Alexander the Great would become Rogerproxy the Great.

…The barbarian hordes who overran the Roman Empire would be known as the RogerGothproxyans, RogerVandalproxyans, RogerFrankproxyans, RogerSaxonproxyans and the RogerHunproxyans.

…In time to come, The Rogerproxys’ would become living GODS eating and drinking only special food like ambrosia and nectar meant for the Gods, and all Rogerproxyans from around Planet Rogerproxy would make a yearly pilgrimage to worship and seek blessings from the Rogerproxys.

…for the time being, I need to take a break as I need to puke. I will be back soon…until then, may the blessings of the Rogerproxys’ be with you all. Jaya Hooo!


His Hex-A-Lunacy,
Presi-Dunce Bean.
Pres-Dunce of Idiot Island.

Jollyass Seesaw (A Funny Tragedy)

Once upon a time, when Jollyass Seesaw was Caretaker of Idiot Island, he led his Peacekeeping forces against the Tranquil Tourists in the north of the island. After a long drawn out humanitarian crusade, he was finally able to subdue them, and returned to the capital city Koollamboob in triumph. There were many celebrations throughout the country with drinking, dancing, eating of milk rice and lighting of fire crackers. The Idiot Islanders thronged the streets in their best clothes, cheering Seesaw, while putting up banners and hoardings of him and garlanding his statues.

As Seesaws bulletproof limousine passed through the crowd, there was seated beside him, his wife Mrs. Seesaw and his most trusted companion and chief advisor, Antony Wansahero. Also included in his entourage was dynamic and eloquent opposition parleymutt Ronnywicks, General Brootoast Funnyshaker, Tilvanius and Wansasumo. As they passed along, the Idiot Islanders cheered and pressed upon them, and yet above the tumult one voice sounded shriller than the rest as it cried out, "Seesaw! Seesaw!" Seesaw too, heard the voice and signalled the driver to stop while he listened. The man was a soothsayer who did a weekly astrology program on a private TV station.

When he saw that Seesaw had halted, he said: "Beware the Ides of January!" So Seesaw ordered that the man should come out of the crowd so that he might see him. Once more the soothsayer said, "Beware the Ides of January!" Seesaw with a shrug replied, "He is an international conspirator. Have him taken to the fourth floor of the Butterland Pleasure Chambers, and tickle him with chicken feathers, and question him for 24 hours!"

As the procession continued towards the Pompeydasa International Amphitheatre, General Brootoast paused as if reluctant to continue on. Tilvanius who had been watching him closely, asked Brootoast whether he did not want to watch the Idiot Island versus Hindiyaar crooked match; to which Brootoast answered that he had better things to do than to watch 22 grown men chasing after a white ball. The streets by this time were deserted, as everyone had gone to witness the match. After a while, Tilvanius and Brootoast heard the sounds of shouting and the sounds of paparay bands. "What does that shouting mean?" asked Brootoast. "I fear the Idiot Islanders will choose Seesaw for their king!" replied Tilvanius. "Though I love the man, I would not want him as my king!" said Brootoast. This gave Tilvanius the opening he desired, to try and stir Brootoast against Seesaw. So he went on, "A few years ago, during the caretaker elections, Seesaw cried out to me and Wansasumo. 'Help me Tilvanius…help me Wansasumo…to become caretaker of Idiot Island!' And so we helped him. This is the man who has now become a God, and Tilvanius must bow low before him if he merely looks my way. When he was afflicted by swine flu, the colour fled from his lips and he murmured like a sick girl, 'Give me some water, Tilvanius.' And yet a man so feeble has become supreme in the whole country!"
By this time Seesaw and his entourage were coming back from the match. Hindiyaar had won in the final over, with 3 balls to spare. Seesaw had noticed that Brootoast and Tilvanius were no longer with him, and when he saw them whispering together and looking at him, he pointed them out to Wanshero. "Let me have men that are fat and sleep well at night. That Tilvanius looks lean and hungry; he thinks too much, and such men are dangerous; if there were a man I could fear, Tilvanius is the first man I should avoid!" Anthony Wansahero did not agree with Seesaw. He was an easy-going man who loved wine, women, song and playing around with his two state-of-the-art cellular phones. When Seesaw and the rest had left, Brootoast asked Wansasumo what had happened at the Pompeydasa International Amphitheatre, and Wansasumo replied, "The Idiot Islanders offered him a crown 3 times, and each time Seesaw refused it and said, I'm not your king...I'm only your caretaker!"

After that the 3 men parted. When they had gone, Tilvanius knew that his plan was succeeding. Brootoast was an honourable humanitarian, yet he could be persuaded. A few days later, a terrible storm broke over Idiot Island, and strange incidents started to happen throughout the country. The stock market crashed; many foreign investors wound up their businesses and left the island; most countries in their travel advisories warned their citizens against visiting the island; rich countries stopped lending money to Seesaw's government, and United Bankers secretary general Banking Boom urged Seesaw to resettle the Tranquil Welfare Holiday Campers as soon as possible. All these strange events seemed to portend some great calamity. Most Idiot Islanders were terrified by what was happening. Tilvanius who met Wansasumo on the street, told him that the heavens were sending these warnings because the Idiot Islanders were trying to turn mortal men into immortal Gods! "You mean Seesaw?" asked Wansasumo. "Yes indeed," replied Tilvanius, "they say that tomorrow the parleymutts mean to make Seesaw a king, and he will wear his crown where ever he goes!"

Meanwhile Brootoast was pacing up and down in his house. The more he thought, the more he realised that only through the permanent rehabilitation of Seesaw could Idiot Island really be free. So far Seesaw had only used his power to form a dynasty and install his close relatives in key government positions; but once he was crowned king, he would have unlimited power. In the evening, Tilvanius and his international conspirators entered the house of Brootoast. They were – Wansasumo, Kehelmala, Milimoro, Rayjasenna, Amusara, Tenderman, Seefour and Esbidi. Brootoast welcomed them all and shook each man by the hand. Then they all sat down and began to discuss how their plot might be carried out. In time Tilvanius said, "It is doubtful whether Seesaw will appear tomorrow, for he has become superstitious lately and these strange omens and the persuasion of his advisors will keep him away from the parleymutts building!" "Never fear that," said Milimoro, "I can persuade Seesaw and bring him to the parleymutts building." As everything was decided, each conspirator left for their respective homes, leaving Brootoast home alone.
All that night the thunder and lightning continued and no one on Idiot Island slept...that is except for the deaf, dumb and blind. In the morning, Mrs. Seesaw begged Seesaw not to leave for the parleymutts building. She pleaded with him to send Antony Wansahero to inform the parleymutts that Seesaw was not well. But just then, Milimoro arrived and bade Seesaw a good morning, and said that he had come to accompany him to the parleymutts building. Seesaw replied to Milimoro, "Tell the parleymutts that I will not attend today as Mrs. Seesaw saw a bad dream about me!" "But Seesaw!" interjected Milimoro, "The parleymutts have agreed this day to bestow a crown upon Seesaw. If you do not attend today, it will become a joke; and people will say, 'Dismiss the parleymutts until Mrs. Seesaw has better dreams.' If Seesaw hides himself, they will say that the mighty Seesaw is afraid!" Seesaw was so convinced by Milimoro's words that he set off with him to the parleymutts building.
As they passed through the streets Seesaw saw the soothsayer, who had by this time had been released from the fourth floor of the Butterland Pleasure Chambers, and said to him smiling, "The Ides of January are come!" "Yes Seesaw," he replied, "but not gone!" So Seesaw entered the parleymutts building and took his seat.

The international conspirators drew near to him, and crowded around him. First Brootoast knelt before him, took his hand and kissed it. Then on the other side, Tilvanius knelt before him, and so did the rest of the conspirators. By this time, Wansasumo had crept around behind Seesaw's chair. Suddenly with his 9 millimetre pistol drawn, he cried out, "Speak, 9 millimetre for me!" Then all of them fell upon Seesaw with their 9 millimetres drawn, and shot him again and again. For a while Seesaw resisted, but when he saw that General Brootoast his friend was also one of the conspirators, he cried out, "Et tu Brootoast! You son of a beach ball!" Then he hid his face with the red towel he wore around his neck, and fell permanently rehabilitated at the foot of Pompeydaasa's statue. When the conspirators saw that Seesaw was permanently rehabilitated, they cried out aloud, "Liberty! Freedom! Jayaho! Tyranny is permanently rehabilitated!" When Antony Wansahero appeared, Brootoast turned towards him and told him to take Seesaw's body to the Barney Roman Funeral Parlour and prepare it for the funeral. After which he was instructed to bring the casket to the Independence Circle where Wansahero could speak on behalf of Seesaw.

On the day of Seesaw's funeral, first spoke Brootoast. Brootoast said, "Seesaw once said that there are only two kinds of people on Idiot Island! Those who love the island, and those who do not love the Island! I Brootoast loved Idiot Island, which is why I permanently rehabilitated Seesaw. If I have offended anybody by my deed, speak up!" And the crowd shouted back, "Brootoast has offended no one! The wannabe king is dead! Long live Brootoast the new caretaker of Idiot Island!"
And then it was the turn of Antony Wansahero. Wansahero went up to the podium and checked the microphone, and began to speak. "Friends, Idiot Islanders, Country Bumpkins...lend me your ears, and I promise to return them after I have finished with them! The evil that men do lies buried up north in thousands of unmarked graves. The good is also interred with the bones. I come to speak at Seesaws funeral because he was my friend, faithful and just to me; and not because Seesaw made me his chief advisor or gave me a large mansion to live in or lavished me with many backup vehicles and hundreds of bodyguards! But Brootoast says he was ambitious! And I say that's because Seesaw did not give Brootoast a large mansion to live in or lavish him with many backup vehicles and hundreds of bodyguards! I say this is sour grapes Brootoast! But Brootoast is an honourable humanitarian."

Then Antony Wanshero produced a folded paper which he held up for the crowd to see. "Here is a paper sealed with Seesaws seal! It is his last will and testament." The people wondered what might be in the will, and they cried out to Antony Wansahero to read it. So Wansahero unfolded the paper and began to read the will.
"To every Idiot Islander I leave ten raypees each. My Shysterland bank accounts I leave to my family members. The Yale and Wilpot jungles, the rivers, lakes, valleys, mountains, waterfalls, the fish in the sea and animals on the land I bequeath to the citizens on Idiot Island. I also leave them a half finished harbour, a not yet begun airport and my bankrupt 'Seesaw Air' airlines!" The crowd roared with satisfaction, and there was much clapping and cheering after the will was read. After that the crowd took Seesaws body, made a pyre with anything that would burn. They then set Seesaws body on it, and set fire to it. Then taking burning fagots from the pyre, they ran around to the houses of the conspirators and set them on fire.

Brootoast and Tilvanius and their friends managed to escape to Hindiyaar where they raised a peacekeeping force with which they prepared to meet Antony Wansahero. As time went on Brootoast and Tilvanius started to fight amongst themselves as to who would be caretaker after Wansahero was defeated. Wansahero in the mean time had landed in Hindiyaar with a large peacekeeping force of his own, and surrounded Brootoast and Tilvanius. Brootoast and Tilvanius committed seaside by jumping in the sea, rather than surrender to Wansahero. And thus those responsible for the permanent rehabilitation of Seesaw were permanently rehabilitated themselves. Nevertheless, Antony Wansahero honoured Brootoast, for of all the conspirators he alone was moved not by envy of Seesaw, but by a desire for the good of his country.

Idiot Islanders For Democrazy Anarchy!

We at IIFDA hope to, “Wipe out Corruption in Government by wiping out Government!”
We will, “Give Government back to the People and make everyone his/her own lawmaker!”

LET’S RETURN TO THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE!

1. Don’t vote on Election Day!

2. Don’t support any political parties!

3. Don’t obey the laws of the land!

4. Don’t inform authorities about potential seaside bummers who target parleymutts!

5. Don’t inform authorities about roadside bums targeted at parleymutts!

6. Don’t watch government TV or read government newspapers!

7. Don’t even join this organisation!

We are a non-profit organisation dedicated to the proposition that “Government Stinks!” and the people who vote for parleymutts stink even more!

JOIN NOW!

The job isn’t over until the paperwork is done!

Let’s face it…when a man’s gotta go…a man’s gotta go!
At times like this, to be or not to be, is not the question…but how and where you can be! After some deliberation and the matter has been dropped, the best paper to wipe your rear end is none other than “Percy Bean Toilet Paper!”

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“Percy Bean Toilet Paper” has become an instant hit with Tranquil Holiday Campers taking an extended holiday in "Welfare Holiday Camps" in the north of the "Democrazy Theocrazy Banana Republic of Idiot Island."

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